What Not to Say to Someone Who’s Just Been Laid Off
By Alice Handley & Tania Khadder
If you’re you’re unemployed, you know exactly what I’m talking about — sometimes, right after you’ve lost your job, people say things that are supposed to make you feel better, but just end up making you feel worse.
If, for some reason, you do have a job and you’re reading our blog anyway, pay attention.
The time directly following a layoff is a delicate one. Your friend will want your help, but they may not be so receptive to your wise suggestions or burning questions.
The fact of the matter is, being laid off sucks. Your comments come from a good place (of course!), but you might be surprised at how they are construed by someone whose wounds are still fresh from getting shown the door.
“You’re not unemployed, you’re funemployed!”
So cute and yet so out of touch with reality. Sure, unemployment might be fun when you’re 22 and have no real responsibilities. It’s quite a different story when you’re 54, have two kids in college, a mortgage and a chronic health problem. For so many people, being unemployed is not an opportunity to do some volunteer work or self-discovery — it’s a very real and very frightening financial, emotional and professional setback. Cute, trendy sayings aren’t going to change that.
“I can get you a new job!” [and the job is totally inappropriate]
While the sentiment is appreciated, you’re presuming that the person you’re talking to is totally desperate for a job. A former Director of Marketing probably isn’t interested in waiting tables, and a pastry chef probably wouldn’t want to apply for a job in the Human Resources department. While it’s definitely good to keep an eye out for your friends, don’t assume they’ll do just anything for a living. If you want to help, make sure you’re aware of what your friend wants before you start reaching out to contacts.
“When life gives you lemons, make lemonade”
What about when life gives you credit card debt, foreclosure and a few steps back in your career? What should you make then? Lemonade and vodka maybe. It’s nice of you to try and offer your friend a dose of optimism, but realize that cliché catchphrases may be interpreted as insensitive. It’s a lot easier to see the silver lining when you’re still gainfully employed, right? When you’ve just lost your job, sometimes all you want is a shoulder to cry on. Some situations just aren’t good, and there’s no way to spin it.
So true. I know people are trying to be nice and I appreciate it, but unless you’re been laid off yourself, you don’t really “get it”.
Make lemonade. UGH. On the other hand, I do appreciate people’s job leads even if they aren’t the right fit. I AM desperate and I WILL take just about anything.
anyone hiring a nanochemist?!?! great job lead?!?!?!?
Good information. I am 50 years old and laid off from teaching special education in Michigan. Need I say more. This state is bleeding families (read: students) and it looks like I’m starting my second year of no job. So I’m sure people really think there’s something wrong with me when I can always get the interview, but never the job (a 22 year old with a bachelor’s degree costs much less than a 50 year old with a Master’s degree plus, and no, you can’t tell them you’ll take less than what the teacher’s union contract dictates they must pay you. One more point I’d make is, if the unemployed actually gets an interview, leave them alone until they are ready to talk about the results! It’s difficult enough to find out that you didn’t get the job, but even harder when family and friends who have been cheering you on ask how it went and then say, as you stated, well everything happens for a reason. Go tell that to the bank when your mortgage is due!
There are laid off people that actually do volunteering.
1-It keeps their skills sharp
2-Adds to a resume
2-It gives them something to do while they are looking for a job.
3-Volunteering really does help people and a lot of those people looking for help are the same ones who never would have needed it in the past.
True unemployment is real and it’s harsh,
Someone in my household had been unemployed for 9 months and was sinking into a deep depression and wanting to play video games all day and everytime he looked for a job, he got more depressed, he had huge bills, but he realized he had to shake off that “oh why me” and find a more positive attitude and he did. He found a job 3 days ago at 1/4 of what he was making. It was in a job he NEVER, ever would have taken under normal cirumstances, but he had bills to pay. Hey CEO’s are working at McD’s, I’m sure it’s not because they want to – people do what they need to do to pay the bills. Unemployment is ridculously tough, we need to find a way to work through it, that’s not a choice…I know I’m making some people mad here, and I don’t mean to – I know it’s rough.
do NOT say, I know it must be difficult (unless you ACTUALLY were unemployed for a lengthy duration)
or keep the faith, keep the peace, (you CANNOT deposit keep the faith/peace into a bank and pay bills)
please just LISTEN, and offer a JOB; NOT BS therapy advice and happy go-lucky BS talk which you does not help/change the situation.
Folks, that’s why a Plan B is a life necessity!
The Dotcom Boom was they longest period of economic expansion in U.S. history (between the 1992 & 2000 recessions), so start preparing for the next recession now. They happen EVERY decade.
Being unemployed at 22 is not really fun either.
what i hate the most to hear from my friends is: “i’ll give you twenty bucks if you eat it.”
being unemployed at age 43 is not fun either–college was a waste. no one cares nor anyone is hiring, thank goodness for UI extensions and maubama’s help.
I just LOVE to talk to a Civil Service employee when I’m dealing with unemployment…For some reason, they find that to be the BEST TIME to divulge just how safe and secure THEIR jobs are, and how they are “so glad” to not have to worry about being laid off. For some reason, I don’t know why I have yet to remind them that a portion of the taxes that were deducted from MY PACHECK when I was getting one) that pay THEIR SALARIES…Maybe they’ll figure out how the whole “unemployed” thing works when enough private sector employees have lost jobs, and there’s no more tax revenue for the governments to collect, and pay out to those “overworked, and underpaid” Civil SERVANTS….
Servants??!!? Doesn’t that imply that they should be SERVING, and not doing so much TAKING???!…?????…???….????!
A very nice article, and has lessons for sad situations other than being laid off or unemployed: Immediately in the wake of an unfortunate event, advice is essentially NEVER appropriate, just condolences. After a sizable chunk of time, if and only if you are a very close friend to someone, maybe advice is appropriate. Otherwise your only role is to say “Hey, that really sucks, I’m sorry.” End of story.
Also: I’m unemployed at 22, and it’s still no funemployment. It costs money to have fun, even if it’s the gas to drive to a public park or subway fare to a free concert. I don’t have any responsibilities in life; if I have zero dollars in my bank account, I live at with my parents, so I won’t go hungry and I will still have a place to live, so I easily have it better than the majority of people out there in the world, but it’s still not much fun. Also, man, it just feels like crap to be unemployed. Besides the stress of financial concerns, it sucks to feel like I’m not a productive member of society.
After “only” a year of being unemployed, and I know there are many out there who have been searching for new jobs even longer, I’m at my last possible grip on keeping my head up. Food pantries and Good-Will are very hard to digest, especially to my children who had such a ‘normal’ life just a year ago. I go to church and pray, but now I just pray to make it through one more day…. Collection agencies are now calling, Family is always saying “it’ll all work out” but they don’t go to sleep with fear, no terror in their heart of what will I do tomorrow? It is a relief to come here and read I’m not alone. And that in itself is so heartbreaking! I wish It was only me and no one else had to go through this. There’s nothing left to pawn, and I had to take my son out of college, and now all these Tax papers are laying on the table and I have no idea what to do with them? Can someone share what you will do to pay taxes on your unemployment when you didn’t work and couldn’t afford to take taxes out of your check monthly? I will keep saying prayers, prayers for all of you who have to go through this crises too. God Bless each one of you!