Reality TV: Where the Unemployed Get a Shot at Fame and Fortune

Six months ago, Susan Boyle was chronically unemployed, lived in government housing and spent most of her time volunteering at her local church. Today, she’s a global singing sensation.

Thanks to her appearance on reality show Britain’s Got Talent, the 48-year-old runner-up now spends most of her time signing record deals, fighting off the paparazzi, and getting makeovers. This rags-to-riches story offers a glimmer of hope to jobless suckers the world over.

The secret to her success? First and foremost, talent. But where would her talent be without the help of reality television? Wasted on evenings with the church choir, no doubt.

The moral of the story is this: if you’re jobless and talented (hell, even if you’re talentless), a stint of reality television may just be the big break you’ve been waiting for.

And unlike in the job market, there appears to be no shortage of opportunities in reality TV. Here are just a few upcoming casting calls that might pique your interest:

The Bachelor
Synopsis: Twenty-five women pretend to be desperate for love and marriage, when in fact they are desperate for money, fame and subsequent reality TV show appearances.
What you’ll need: Low self esteem. 
Why you should do it: Calling off an engagement is no biggie, as evidenced by past seasons. Just make sure your boyfriend back home is okay with the whole arrangement (and can keep his mouth shut).
The Marriage Ref
Synopsis: Got longstanding relationship problems? The Marriage Refs — an assortment of alleged celebrities, sports stars and comedians — will weigh in to help you settle them once and for all. Jerry Seinfeld is the creator and Executive Producer. He says the show is more comedy than therapy. 
What you’ll need:  A good sense of humor about your failing relationship.  
Why you should do it: If one of you has been unemployed for any significant amount of time, chances are you’ve got longstanding relationship problems. Might as well milk it. 

The Real Housewives of the OC, Season 5
Synopsis: A handful of vacuous women spend their husband’s money, gossip and try their hardest to make their incredibly dull social obligations appear important and/or interesting.
What you’ll need: A husband who is both rich and stupid (the best kind!). 
Why you should do it: It’s where some of America’s most chronically unemployed women have become some of its most famous.

Movers and Changers
Synopsis: If you have a creative and promising business idea that will also do something positive for the community, MTV Universal producers want to hear from you. If they pick your idea, you win $25,000 to help start your business.
What you’ll need: An idea that doesn’t suck
Why you should do it: Because the one-charger-for-all-appliances device is a good idea dammit!!!