Diaries of a Temp, Chapter 33: One Up Her

This just in: being busy is really cool.

I’m serious you guys. I’m getting the impression that the busier you are, the more street cred you have.

I guess maybe it’s always been this way. I can remember girls in college who would go on and on and on about how busy they were and how much homework and projects and papers they had. And then fast forward a few years and I learned that every office has a “one upper”: the person who makes sure everyone knows just how swamped they are with their workload.

And now, with so many of us either out of work, halfway in a few jobs, about to lose our job or starting a new job, I realize that as a professional necessity, you should ’up’ your image by positioning yourself as the busiest person alive. At all costs. No matter what.

Below are some examples.

Godspeed.

Someone says: “Are those reports due today? Looks like its gonna be another late night!”

You say: “Hehe no kidding. Someone order in dinner. AND breakfast cuz I’m gonna have to stay all night to finish all of MY work!”

–

Someone says: “Man I have to find a new place to live, my lease is up in a few months. Ugh the summer feels so short!”

You say: “You’re telling ME! I have to sublet my apartment so I can buy a house for myself and the 4 homeless people I’m letting live with me for free.”

–

Someone says: “Is it seriously Monday already? I need a 4 day weekend to get my to-do list finished!”

You say: “My to-do list has your to-do list on it’s to-do list. And it already finished it. Last weekend.”

–

Someone says: “Gosh I feel like I’ve been in meetings all day! And its only lunch.”

You say: “I just led a 6 hour, office and nation-wide conference call in which I opened and closed by singing the National Anthem. And we didn’t take any bathroom breaks. ”

–

These are just a few ways you can make sure people understand that your life is better than theirs and that you are in more demand than they are. Oh and that your time is more precious and fleeting than theirs.

Mission: accomplished,

LR

For more of LR’s rants, chizzeck out her blizzog.