Diaries of a Temp, Chapter 21: The Whole Truth
After reading Tania’s expose’ on the role of honesty in our job hunting, something dawned on me.
I haven’t been honest enough with potential employers about myself.
Part of my unemploymentality has involved digging deep and trying to discover my strengths; what I’m really good at. And I think this list will help potential employers focus on the really important aspects of my skills set and work ethic.
Also, resume’s are so 2008.
So here you have it. Don’t you worry, I’ve made room in my inbox for the massive response I expect from this post. Once this hits the web I’ll have people knocking my door down to hire me.
To Whom It May Concern,
A little bit about me:
-Although I am legally an adult, Madonna and the Jolie/Pitts are currently engaged in a legal battle over who gets to adopt me
-I work best under pressure, with little preparation and against all odds
-At least thrice a week I sit for life sized oil paintings for others to hang over their mantle.
-I was born like Benjamin Buttons but used sheer willpower to reverse my aging back to normal
-Condoliza Rice and I are pen pals
-If you write my full name down and hold it under a black light, the word “WINNER” appears
-I have an outie belly button
-Children and animals and old people and people in traffic love me
-I volunteer 7 days a week
-I only need 30 minutes of sleep a night
-I’m really pretty
-I play the pan flute
-People often stop me on the street and just ask me to hug them
-I don’t have the swine flu. I AM the swine flu. I’m also the cure.
-Success comes naturally to me
-I eat guys like you for breakfast
-Ryan Gosling asked me out on a date and I said no
-I coined the phrase “emoticon”
-Bill Gates stole my diary
-My name, in Gaelic, means “blood, sweat and tears”
-Your mother has me on speedial for when she needs advice
For more information about my potential, please rent the movies “Good Will Hunting” or “Dangerous Minds” and listen to the song, “Miss Independent”
Potentially, Hopefully, Truly Madly Deeply, Yours,
Lyndsay A. Rush
For more on LR’s musings, check out her blog.
Everyone lies — that’s all the corporate world is. Lying to get ahead.
But are you a SUPERSTAR?
I see a lot of ads asking for this attribute as a prerequisite. For instance:
Sr. Inside Sales Rep – Software – Are You A Superstar? (santa clara)
http://sfbay.craigslist.org/sby/sls/1187218288.html
I guess their aren’t many actual superstars thought because they and others keep running their same ads over and over and over again. One would think that after 5-10 unsuccessful ads, that you might think that your standards are too high and/or such a person doesn’t exist!