Diaries of a Temp, Chapter Twelve: Tastes like Free
2009 March 4
This is the tale of one woman’s quest for freedom. Or free food, rather. Potato, Potah-to.
One week ago today I vowed to myself and to America (John Henion) that I would attempt the impossible: to get one free meal a day, for seven days. Through charity, bribery, trickery, wizardry and tomfoolery, I would elbow my way into 7 free meals. Armed with little more than chutzpah and an entire childhood spent splitting meals and going to garage sales, I set off on my journey. This is that story.
Day 1: “She’s Just Not That Into You”/LunchLocation: California Pizza Kitchen
What do you get when you combine a guy you’re not interested in with a girl who is hungry and poor? You get perfect economic harmony, my friends. He gets my company, I get a free BBQ Chicken pizza. Everybody wins.
Cost: $0,some flirting
Cost: $0,some flirting
Lesson Learned: When the going gets tough, the tough lower their standards.
Day 2: Coupon Cabin/Lunch
Location: Quiznos
About 2 months into my unemployment, I lost all apprehension when it came to seeking out discounts. Quizno’s “Million Sub Giveaway” couldn’t have come at a better time. If the only price is printing out the coupon at my temp job, forgetting about it, and then having someone bring it by my desk because it has my name on it, It’s still worth it.
Lesson Learned: Coupons aren’t just for Grandma anymore.
Cost: $0, childhood flashbacks
Cost: $0, childhood flashbacks
Day 3: “Excuse me, which way to the wing bar?”/Dinner
Location: Finn McCool’s
On a wing and a prayer (pun intended), I chose this questionable Gold Coast bar as my free meal of choice for Friday night. Partly for humor’s sake and partly because the complimentary wing bar was advertised from 4pm-7pm, which is the perfect post-work mealtime. When I saw the wingbar, I realized I was going to have to eat my words (and at least my 
weight in wings). Not only were the wings boneless and plentiful, but there was a salad bar and veggie trays! My roommate and I saddled up to the bar, avoided eye contact from the waitresses and filled up in 20 minutes flat. I haven’t felt that cheap since Spring Break ’03.
weight in wings). Not only were the wings boneless and plentiful, but there was a salad bar and veggie trays! My roommate and I saddled up to the bar, avoided eye contact from the waitresses and filled up in 20 minutes flat. I haven’t felt that cheap since Spring Break ’03.Lesson Learned: Never go to a wingbar without a wingman.
Cost: $0, my dignity
Day 4: Watch Your Fingers/ Lunch
Location: Costco, Whole Foods
Day 4: Watch Your Fingers/ LunchLocation: Costco, Whole Foods
It didn’t take more than 4 minutes in the food section of Costco to realize I was not alone in my idea to turn samples into a full meal. The speed, hunger and tenacity of those around me made me realize I was a complete amateur. For example, it took me 4 tries to finally get a chicken burrito sample. I think at one point I even said “Who do I have to sleep with around here to get a 
burrito?” Once I re-laced my Chucks and regrouped, I managed to score big with
burrito?” Once I re-laced my Chucks and regrouped, I managed to score big with
samples of a taco, empenada, pizza, french bread and 2 apple slices.
This boldness carried over to Whole Foods where I nabbed freshguacamole, clementines, various cheese samples, crackers, bread and cookies. I was on such a role my sister had to stop me from sampling the salad bar.
Lesson Learned: I don’t care what anyone says, never trust a scallop sample from Costco.
Cost: $0, manners
Lesson Learned: I don’t care what anyone says, never trust a scallop sample from Costco.
Cost: $0, manners
Being the Sabbath and all, it was only fitting that I didn’t have to work for my free meal on Sunday. Thanks to a hot tip, I learned that the afternoon staff meeting at church had been catered and there were leftover sandwiches and pizza in the kitchen for the taking. No, I didn’t feel bad accepting charity, but yes I stopped myself from taking an extra sandwich for Monday. Even free has standards, people.
Lesson Learned: Remember the Sabbath and keep it holy. And free.
Cost: $0, self control
Day 6: Soup’s On/Dinner
Day 6: Soup’s On/DinnerLocation: RJ Grunts
There’s not a lot to celebrate in Chicago in during the winter. The Blackhawks? No. Casimir Pulaski Day? Not a chance. But food priced to match the current temperature? Yes please! My 6th free meal came in the form of $0.22 soup, thanks to the day’s frigid temps. I know 22 cents isn’t technically free but lets be serious. If you can find it in the bottom of your purse or under the couch cushions, its the same as free.
Lesson Learned: Never be afraid to ask, “Do I need to purchase an entree for the deal?” .
Cost: Two dimes, two pennies and one reputation
This local dive is my favorite for many reasons: the live country music, the cheap drinks, and the waitress with the shirt, “Talk sh*%, Get hit.” An even better reason to love Carol’s comes on Tuesdays when they serve free hot dogs. As if that wasn’t enough, they also posted a lovely sign informing the patrons that the entire establishment has free wifi. What better place to connect to the web and get stuff done than a rowdy, line dancing neighborhood pub? I couldn’t have ended my quest at a better spot. In fact, I’m writing this story at Carol’s right now, on dog number 2.
Cost:$0, riding the red line to wilson
Cost:$0, riding the red line to wilson
There ya have it folks. 7 days ablaze with bargains. But fear not, my days of scavenging are far from over. This week may have unleashed a cheap side of me I never knew I had. It could get ugly. Stay tuned!
Temp.
To hear more of Temp’s musings, check out her blog
3 Responses
leave one →
You should check in with the boy from the pizza parlor, if he was a willful participant in the barter perhaps he’d be interested in offering higher end goods for more than just “some flirting.”
Have you thought about volunteer work? Try volunteering at a homeless shelter or the Salvation Army. When you provide food to the homeless, you should be able to eat as well (I have). Yes, ytou will have worked for your food- which may not be what you had in mind- but to me it is a way not only of preserving your dignity but of being of service to people in much dire straits than yourself. Volunteering keeps me humble.
Ha! Great post!! I’ve done this. I’m shameless. Whole Foods, Trader Joe’s and Costco’s free samples can all be a meal on a good sampling day. However, my latest sampling at Costco has scared me away. Food poisoning!! And it had to be from there since it’s all I ate before I got sick. Serves me right. But hey, what’s an unemployed girl in NYC to do?