Sesame Street lays off 20% of workforce. Oscar the Grouch goes on shooting spree.
A security camera captures an image of Oscar on Sesame Street just moments before his fatal shooting spree.
Just one day after announcing a 20% cut in staff at Sesame Workshop, the non-profit responsible for producing the long-standing children’s show, Sesame Street, an ousted staff character, Oscar the Grouch, returns to ‘the street’ to carry-out a fatal shooting spree. Before turning his sawed off, pump action shot gun on himself, Oscar gunned down seven of his former co-characters including the Cookie Monster, Elmo, Mr. Noodle, Burt, Ernie, the Count and Telly. Big Bird suffered a non-fatal wound to the beak and was airlifted to Mr. Roger’s ‘Neighborhood of Make –Believe’ for magical cosmetic surgery to be performed by Dr. Duckbill Platypus.
A suicide note found pinned to The Grouch’s chest described an actor’s forty-year history of sacrifice, frustration, under appreciation and anger that led to today’s gruesome scene:
“Before taking the job at Sesame Street I was a well-respected, Shakespearian actor working off-Broadway. I had a bright future in live theatre but I took a chance on Sesame Street because I was told, “Hey Oscar we love you, you’re really going places. Two years in that can and you’ll be bigger than Mickey Mouse!” Year after year I patiently waited for my big break while Kermit got gigs in Hollywood and I got passed over by that whiney little monster, Elmo, who gets his own show [Elmo’s World] and a doll! Forty years later, what do I have to show for it? A garbage can, a pet worm and a pink slip. I wish nobody ever told me how to get to fucking Sesame Street. ”
Oscar and friends on set during happier days.
Mr. Snuffleupagus, also found dead in an ally off of Sesame Street, is not being considered among Oscar’s victims. Police believe his death was caused by a fatal heroine overdose. Producer’s on the show reported that, “Snuffy had been battling a serious drug addiction for years. I guess the layoff just pushed him over the edge.”
A wake for the fallen cast members is open to the public and will be held at the late Mr. Hooper’s general store.
Truly tragic. RIP Count. I hear he was counting each gunshot, and fatality, before being taken down himself. At least he died happy.
Oh no! **falls over hysterically**
I had no idea Mr. Snuffleupagus was doping it up, it explains so much now…
ME WANT COOKIE….. Guess not. No $, no Cookie.
I heard that the Cookie Monster was feeling a little blue lately. Despite the tragedy, maybe this was for the better.
i bet there was nothing left of elmo…fucking wild! he really had some stylish glasses when he went out.
on another note, do you think that mr. hoop was peddling the black tar.
LOVE IT! About time one of those puppet’s snapped! My god, think about it, each and every day someone has their hand up your butt, forcing you to say things that you don’t really want to be saying! And THEN, pink-slip? Are you kidding me? Oscar did the right thing, man…but, they got rid of The Grouch? Why not get rid of some other rose-colored glasses wearing mother F*cker?
So funny! You are genius!
Very clever — LMAO. Interesting that there are conflicting accounts of what ensued as a result of this announcement. Check out what this blogger heard (equally as funny):
http://minivanmonologues.blogspot.com/2009/03/can-you-tell-me-how-to-getto-welfare.html
Oh how tragic. The country’s reckless spending has now taken an even worse turn….maybe this will be the lesson we all need to tighten our belts and restrain our spending. Let’s keep our beloved friends in busines…and alive. RIP Sesame Street friends.