Sexing up your resume for the recession
When I was just a boy dreaming of making it to the NBA a friend of mine told me that my chances of making it to the big leagues was about 1 in 500,000. Or for every 500,000 aspiring young athletes, one of them will make it to the pros. That number seemed so daunting that I decided to pull my nose from the grind stone and smoke pot instead. I figured my chances of becoming a stoner were about 1 to 1.
In this down economy, there are so many people looking for work that it seems like our chances for even an interview are about 1 in 500,000. And today, we simply don’t have the luxury of redirecting our talents towards smokin’ the cheeba. Oh no, too many bills to pay for that. Instead, we’ve got to strap on our helmets, tighten those belts and get ready for war.
But have no fear, we at the Unemploymentality have researched, tested and now deliver to you some fool-proof strategies for getting your resume to the top of the pile. Today’s lesson: Sex it up!
On your resume, your name most likely dominates the real estate at the top of the page. But frankly, no one cares what your name is. At least, not yet. So why not use some of that dead space to ‘sell’ the reader with a nice graphic or picture? This should not be a picture of you. That’s just vanity. Instead, consider something that will catch the reader off guard or even make them say, “what the fu*k?!?” At which point they can’t help but read through your experience or maybe even give you a call just to see if you’re a real person and not insane. Either way, you’ve got your hook. Now just reel it in.
Check out a few samples that I’ve used on my resume. Although I haven’t received any callbacks yet, with a strategy like this, my phone should be ringing in no time. Oh and don’t forget a catchy tag line. Something that tells the reader exactly what type of employee you’ll be. See below:
Ok ok. Maybe that’s a little too literal of an interpretation of ‘sexing it up.’ Perhaps try something a bit more neutral:
Care Bears not macho enough? Try Care Dragons instead!
Or perhaps you’d prefer to show you’d rather take a ‘patriotic’ approach:
And finally, nothing says 100% commitment and perseverance during troubled times like Samwise the Brave.
Please tell me you’re joking! My old boss almost screamed the house down laughing for having a graphic on mine a few years ago and it was nothing like this. Its eye catching but 2 seconds after looking at it I can imagine most recruiters would bin it without even getting beyond the ‘eyecandy’ graphic!
Still, good luck in the attempt and I wish you well.
If you ARE joking then good one!
Don’t forget to musk up the CV. Nothing sexes up a resume more than a pungent, glandular odor.
More ! More ! It’s really fun !
@designgeek it is people like you that make life worth living.
That’s all I have.
Musking up the CV. I never thought of that! That would go great with my Broke Back Mountain Resume. Thanks for the tip, MW!
lol @ the confederate flag!
nothing says “i deserve this job” like flaunting your “Southern heritage…” haha….
You’ll never get a non-profit job with that confederate flag :p
Then again, having ‘union organizer’ experience on my resume doesn’t exactly help me either!
! I’ve got to give you credit for originality.
I can’t say that I’d personally use images like this, but you’ve definitely given me some ideas for ones that *would* work in my industry.
I’m totally going to add to my resume: “Single-handedly increased the level of intimacy by 200% in the office. Or at least in my own cubicle.”
LOL! Get it? Singlehandedly!
Now that is thinking out of the box!!!!!
You know, now that I think about it, you could, since they look at these on there computers now, is add one of those little spokes people you see on internet ads that tell about the product as they walk around on your screen!!!!!