Me, Myself and I (Am So Sick of My Own Thoughts)
One of the hardest parts of unemployment is the loneliness that comes with it. Eight hours a day, home alone, with no human contact aside from the virtual conversation of instant messaging – it’s maddening, even for a naturally reclusive person like me.
I never thought I’d say this, but I kind of miss the workplace banter, and even the awkward morning commute conversation I so often avoided in my pre-Unemploymentality days. I used to wear headphones and pretend not to notice colleagues on the train, just so I wouldn’t have to talk to them. Not because I disliked them – but because I really cherished my “me time.” And now that so much of my time is “me time,” I find myself looking for any excuse to talk to someone. The shopkeepers down the street? My new best friends! The homeless guy on the corner? A kindred spirit! John Henion? More than just a blog partner – a shoulder to cry on, a career counselor, a buddy!
It’s amazing where the mind can wander when given ample quiet time to do so. I find myself wondering what ever happened to the eldest daughter on Full House, or how much bacon Americans go through, on average, in a year. Luckily, a quick Google search can answer a lot of these pressing questions (Bible-banger and 17.9 pounds per household, in case you were wondering). It cannot, however, answer some of the more complicated ones like “will I have a job by April?” or “was that last chocolate chip cookie one too many?”
And it’s not just the hours between nine and six that have become quieter. As anyone who works in a young-ish office knows, for better or for worse, a lot of your social life tends revolve around the workplace. When you are no longer tightly bound to that circle, things change. With fewer happy hour invites or birthday party Evites, many a weekday evening is now spent watching Friends reruns instead of sharing office gossip over pints. Even when an invite does come my way, I find myself bowing out because I feel guilty paying for a taxi ride home. And the more time you spend alone at home, the more daunting it is to get dressed, leave the house and actually socialize, face-to-face. It’s kind of a vicious circle. I may be sick of myself, but I’m also dangerously comfortable in my own company.
The fact of the matter is, I need to get a job soon not just so I can pay the bills, but so as not to undo so many years of socialization. Pretty soon I’m going to need to relearn the handshake, or how to convey feeling without relying on an emoticon.
I empathize, as I am going through the same thing. Every day is boringly the same. Sunrise? Check. Breakfast? Check. Emails? Check. Blog updates? Check. News stories? Check. Job/volunteer search? Check. Bills paid? Check.
Now what?
I have spread my grocery shopping out so that I have something to do during the week. If I have 3 chores to do outside the house, I’ll split them into three days. I’ve re-acquainted myself with old friends I haven’t seen since elementary school – thanks to Facebook, MySpace, Classmates.com and Reunion.com.
Every week I plan a new weight loss regimen and then fall off the wagon 2 hours later because I’m so bored. I go over my budget obsessively. Repeatedly. I record all sorts of TV shows I never would look at before: High School Reunion. Chef’s Story. Victory Garden.
At the same time, though, I’ve gotten used to this depressing, lonely state. I am living with a couple (friends) who’ve taken me in while I’m unemployed, and I rarely leave my bedroom when I’m return home from my tasks. I don’t socialize much with them, and the one night a week that I watch a TV show with them in their bedroom (where the cable box is) we don’t even talk much.
Hi Tania – see you “like” John after all. I’ve been looking since last November and there’s been virtually nothing that’s been appropriate. I spend the better part of the day looking, applying and hoping. I get tired of my own company and getting a numb butt. So in desperation, I’ve applied for more junior roles after I’ve strategically edited my resume. So far two prospective employers have called, one dropped me after a telephone interview, later sending me a message about other candidates who provide a better fit with their requirements and another who told me in a f2f interview that I was overqualified. The one position that I had interviewed for in December that was appropriate and according to the interviewer, had impressed them greatly, has been shelved because the company is in the midst of a corporate reorganization and they can’t hire if they’re in the process of doing that. So, like you, I’m hunched over my keyboard, staring into the monitor, looking for the next opportunity and getting a numb butt. Thank you for writing this blog. Both you and John add to my day.
Hey, I am there..I feel the pain. Un-employed…. I have been looking since October. Right after my recovery from open heart surgery. oh, Did I Mention that my employer claimed that I was not being productive enough (during recovery of a heart attack and open heart surgery… Don Lawson Group, Inc…. ). Ha Ha Ha.. An way. I miss working…. ( I mean I am cleaning, shopping, picking up, putting away. looking online for employment, filling out job apps….. washing clothes, managing the house hold…. Wait I mean apartment hold… We lost our house….., did I mention cleaning.. Filling out job apps and deleting the annoying adds that claim we can get gov… money, .. LOL..? We will all be back soon in like 2020 or something…….. as soon as that stimulus kicks in… Good luck. I will be thank full that My wife is a school teacher and she can support us. Oh did I mention we have five children….. love to you all., good luck… good day
I was JUST talking about this to another guy in the 4o5 club the other day… Once me lady heads to work around 8:30am I really don’t speak much at all while I’m at home. My words per day have dropped immensely since I was laid off. Thank god for the gym which has become an almost daily routine — I guess it’s replaced the workplace as my space for banter and meaningless chit chat, which is just enough to keep my social skills up.
-405er
hey,
i can relate to this so well…. because i am bored of being overwhelmed by the same negative thoughts of being unemployed, of not having qualified any exam and several others….
anyway.. you might find my last blog post on HOPE a bit uplifiting , so try and read it when free ( oops.. i mean when you feel like
)
Get a job!
The last rude commenter who wrote get a job was obviously one of those people right out of a Bruce Hornsby song…..”Just for fun, he says get a job”. That’s just the way it is, somethings and people will never change.
This website does amaze me though a little.
A) Either everyone is trying to outdo each other in the S.O.L.(shit outta luck) category Or
B) A career counselor trying to get people to admit what they are doing to find a job is all wrong. This seems to be the good old It’s not “the system” honey, it’s you technique that’s worked for many many years. I think we all can now say without fear or reservation that we know this to be a giant falsehood.
Kam, both your theories are incorrect. We’re just a couple of unemployed friends trying to share our stories and inject a bit of humor in an otherwise crappy situation. For more information, see About Us.
OOO THIS ALL SOUNDS TOO FAMILIAR,I GET SICK OF HEARING MY OWN VOICE AFTER TALKING TO MYSELF ALL DAY EVERY DAY, I FEEL VERY LONELY HAVING BEEN ON THE SCRAP HEAP FOR 6 MONTHS NOW,EVERYONE VOWED TO KEEP IN TOUCH WHEN THE REDUNDANCY STRUCK,BUT THE ONES WHO ARE LUCKY ENOUGH TO GET JOBS SOON GET BORED OF THE ONES WHO DONT CAUSE ALL WE DO IS MOAN AND LONG TO BE BACK AT THE JOB WE USED TO MOAN ABOUT ,YOU NO HOW IT IS,THE DAYS GET LONGER AND MORE BORING EVERY DAY WHEN MY PARTNER RETURNS FROM WORK I POUNCE ON HIM NOT IN A SEXUAL WAY BUT MORE YIPPEEE HUMAN CONTACT, LETS TALK ,BEFORE HES TAKEN OFF HIS SHOES. IVE LOST COUNT OF THE JOBS IVE APPLIED FOR SOMETIMES I GET A LETTER SAYING I DIDNT GET THE JOB ,AND I CANNOT EVEN REMEMBER APPLYING FOR IT.PENNY PINCHING AND HANGING ROUND THE ‘REDUCED’ SECTION OF THE SUPERMARKET IS A REGULAR ACTIVITY OF MINE NOW,I DESPERATLY WANT A JOB BUT I NOW THINK I WILL NEED RETRAINING ON HOW TO GET UP IN THE MORNING,GOOD LUCK EVERYONE!
What is so boring?!
I despise people, so I’ve been graced with the luck of a career where I can telecommute. I have not worked in an office regularly (except when I really wanted to bother going in) for my entire adult life. In fifteen years, I have worked from home at all hours of the day and night and managed to keep myself sane and happy. In fact, since I have no need to leave home, I’ve gone as much as six months without even leaving the house.
There’s plenty to do. I understand not everyone may have the same interests I do, so writing (I’m a published author, though that is separate from my actual career) and developing software is probably not something you would want to do to occupy your time… but there must be something. There’s television. Movies. Reading. Videogames. The internet. Cooking. Plenty of opportunity to learn new things. If I were unemployed (and hey, that could always happen, so…) I would see that as an opportunity to finally get around to all the books and other things I never had time to sit down and do before.
Ha, I can understand that. It’s being lonley that sucks. It’s waking up every morning and having no where to go to fill your day with business and clatter and chatter. I’m from New Zealand, but its effecting us here too. I had to go on the benefit, the lady said at the seminar that this is the highest unemployed rate they’ve had…I was going to go to university (graduated school last year) but I was one maths credit short of the requirment, even though I had everything else plus more. University rejection. So what’s next, I think. Better get a job. Applied for one at the Chronicle and got no response, and I applied for one at the council and the human resource manager said he’d circulate my cv around, but there were no vacancies. He also said my cover letter was one of the best he had ever read. My parents convinced me to get the benefit (after much arguments because I was too proud) and saw reason, that I should be getting money while I’m looking for a job. The benefit I’m on is a youth one since I’m 18 and they have us come in every day (apart from me, i come in once a week because I live out of town) and they have career seminars. The first and only one I’ve been to so far was an army one, and I decided to apply for army, air force and the navy. I haven’t applied for the army yet because there’s no intakes for ages. I have to do my navy aptitude tests on Monday…someone I know who is smart didn’t get in. I’m going to think positive though and try my best. I guess you get negative by default after being unemployed for the whole start of the year.
In NZ I felt like there was a HUGE media hype about the recession, and I didn’t even know about it until the end of last year. The news came all of a sudden here. I think the media hype made it so much worse…the lady at the benefit seminar said that they were trying to convince employers to stop firing people! so many of them are doing it out of fear, doing it just in case.
I have only just started looking for work in the last few wks and I am already sick of it. Usually I get the first job I apply for but not this time. Im sick & tired of not having a life but I dont know what I want to do. I dont know what type of job I want, interested in some things but lack direction & the motivation. No one understands how hard it is to live by yourself with noone to talk to, I have to do everything myself like service the lawnmower, deal with the mechanic, pay the bills, spray the weeds, clean the house, cook every meal, I am so sick of it I dont want to do it anymore. I am not as worse off as some people, I have $200,000 at my disposal but money doesnt mean anything. We should all help one another some how, maybe someone has a good idea but they need money for it to work or stuff like that. Its good to be able to talk to others about how you feel.
Hi, I know how you lot feel. I am long term unemployed (2 years) due to an unfortunate injury which meant I had to quit my job. I am ok now but cannot seem to find a job. Feel so lonely day in and day out, I live with a friend of mine who kindly offered me a room after losing the home my girlfriend and I used to share. We are still together as a couple but live apart and it kills me to think of what we had and now lost. I really hate the house im now in and find it dark and depressing. Most days I wonder around going for walks or a drive in my car just to be out of it. The lonliness of that is terrible though. I need a job so much to get my life back on track and to mix with different people again. Good luck everyone on finding a job
read, take a walk, enjoy your life. americans work far too much. plant a garden, play the horn, listen to a symphony-really listen, write a boo, cook a meal, make love, fly a kite, write a letter, write poetry, paint, there are so many things to do. to each his own, however, how can you be bored when there are so many things in this world (besides being someone’s slave AKA work) to do and see, and smell,
I know how u feel, I wa fired (wont go into details but I think it was mainly jealousy). I just feel the same, I feel worthless, no reason to be positive when I send resumes all day and get nadda but SPAM and rip-off scams in return. I am VIABLE, I was in the military & a positive leader in this country, Not that I can even recognize this country anymore. It’s all hatred, Me me me metality and its just NOT RIGHT. I was “viable” until our government decided they needed to be rich and powerful ABOVE all else. What can I say……………
The biggest reason behind the job loss is that Americans have lost their purchasing power. Since we don’t make anything anymore and our manufacturing base is gone, it makes complete sense why there are no jobs out there. The bubble was going to burst eventually.
What I do to keep my sanity may not work for others. Every day I go to the beach and pick up cans, bottles for cash. It helps me put food on the table. Even more so now that my benefit check is reduced less than half. The cans and bottles really add up. Since so many people do NOT recycle they’re everywhere. I’ve never had anyone give me a weird look, in fact, quite the opposite. Many people told me they thought about doing what I do but they felt odd about doing it, but congratulated me for doing so.
I’ve turned into a freegan ala dumpster diver. I go out every night. I find so much stuff it’s not even funny. The amount of waste in our society is appalling. I have a small place so I can’t keep everything. I don’t get meat out of the dumpster, way too dangerous. But I find a lot of crackers, chips, soda, water, etc. It makes a huge difference to me as well. When I’m out DD’ing at night, I carry a bag and a grabber to pick up more bottles and cans.
I also do a lot of curbside recycling. You’d be amazed at the stuff you can find and resell. Many times someone has a garage sale and can’t sell everything so they leave it out on the sidewalk for people like me to pick up.
I also look online for various political groups that are having mixers. Most of the time it’s free (the food) and all you have to buy is a drink. Since I don’t drink and drive I just get a club soda. If you give the server a decent tip, the next time you come back, he or she will be nice to you.
Since everyone is hurting in this economy, it pays us to be nicer to the retail clerks. For the most part, they are treated very shabbily by the public, a little nicety to them goes a long way. I like to crochet and that helps calm me down. I’ve made tons of blankets and given them out. Needless to say there are some stores I go to where they treat me like a queen.
For cheap entertainment I download podcasts on my MP3 player and play back episodes when I’m cleaning house, sewing or crocheting. It keeps me motivated, keeps my brain active and all that.
If you go to the grocery store late at night or first thing when they open, you can get some seriously good deals on meats.
I’ve been very politically active, especially in the areas of this economy. It still amazes me at people who have never voted. I’ve voted since I was 18.
I’m waiting on housing to continue to drop. I’m going to buy a little dirtbag cheap house or mobile home and fix it up with my dumpster diving finds. One man’s trash is truly one man’s treasure. Once I can get it fixed up (I want to at least buy a 2 bedroom) I can have roommates or live alone. I want at least a 2-bedroom so that if any of my friends or family need a place to live, they have me.
It would help if I put my blogname on right.
I think you should, if you are still out of work, approach some broadsheets with the idea of writing an article. You clearly have good written abilities that engage.