Diaries of a Temp, Chapter Eleven: Deflection Reflections
A great part of my particular Unemploymentality as a temporary employee is being hyper defensive when people ask how things are going with the job hunt. It not only alienates many of my friends, but reminds everyone I may just be on the brink of a complete meltdown. Basically everybody wins.
In light of this fun new addition to my personality, I wanted to compile a list of top comebacks, responses and diversions for when people ask you the inevitable, “How’s the job search going?”, “Any new leads?” or my dad’s favorite, “Are you surviving?” Nothing says, “I’m doing all right” like an overreaction or nonsensical catch phrase. See below:
Tip #1: Take it from Larry, Mo and Curly
If ever in an employment conversation that you desperately want to get out of, simply squirt the assailant with the flower from your lapel, pie them in the face or give them a handshake wearing a buzzer. Slapstick to the rescue.
Tip #2: Get Deep
Nothing makes people regret asking you a question more than responding with a long, unnecessarily spiritual answer. Try, “What is work anyway? Aren’t we all just workers for the big Bee?” or “I’m listening to the whispers in the wind right now. When they blow, you will know.” They won’t be asking you for work updates for a long, long time.
Tip #3 Freak Out
This one is a personal favorite. It can be really entertaining to lash out irrationally at people who ask you how the job hunt is going. Try responding to anything with “Your mom!” (**note: this does not work when talking to a sibling. They will inevitably come back with “She’s your mom too.” And then you just feel foolish.) Another good one is “I know you are but what am I?” Last, but not least, are responses you haven’t used since you were 16. Like, “Parents just don’t understand!”, “I hate curfews!” and “Why don’t you trust me!?”. If leaving people speechless is the goal, these replies are perfect.
Feel free to comment with any other good ones that you use to deflect the buzz kill question of the year. The more the merrier.
That’s what she said,
Temp
To see more of Temp’s musings, check out her blog.
The deep methodology works really well. I had an interview a few weeks ago, and the interviewer asked about feral cats, a topic noted as an interest on my resume. She became somewhat flummoxed when I began explaining that a child begins understanding himself and ultimately should move understanding beyond her own family, ethnic group, and race, embracing humanity. Beyond that, a child should understand, embrace, and empathize with other sentient beings, such as mammals, and as such, I focused on feral cats. She said, “I think that we need to get back to more important topics to discuss which would affect your job opportunity.”