Wall Street banker bonuses stimulate the economy.

I’m sure you’ve all heard about how many recipients of government bailout monies have decided to doll out hefty bonuses to their corporate brass.  This move has been a PR nightmare for these companies as President Obama has denounced these payouts as a shameful display that counters his inaugural message of sacrifice and personal responsibility for all Americans.  Oh really President Obama?  Did it ever occur to you that these Wall Street execs and bankers are actually doing their American duty by accepting these bonuses?  And we see them as being the few brave enough to bare the burden of stimulating this fledgling economy during these trying times.

Terry & Terry's Kiosk

Think about it this way Mr. President – If you’re receiving a six or seven figure bonus, you’re wife and children will be stimulating the shit out of the economy for months.  That’s commerce, and that creates jobs.  Just ask Terry and Terry Tinybaum, owners of the Wireless Depot kiosk in New Jersey’s Paramus Mall.  They depend on the ‘trickle down effect’ from bankers bonuses that puts millions of dollars in the pocketbooks of trophy wives and apathetic children every year:  “without those bonuses, how are the bored housewives and mall rats supposed to buy all this crap we import from china?  Without those bonuses, I guess you could say it’s back to the coal mine for me and back to phone sex for my wife.” 

Terry and Terry are not alone in this sentiment.  I recently caught up with Circuit City’s public relations representative, Chip Vanderchip, who told me, “You have no idea how much crap banker’s, their wives and kids buy.  And it’s not all plastic surgery, crystal meth and tranny-ho’s. I mean if those bonuses were distributed before the holidays like they were supposed to be, Circuit City wouldn’t be bankrupt and 30,000 Americans would still have their jobs.  It’s just sad.” 

So before you try and regulate how these companies pad the pockets of their patriotic upper management, President Obama, ask not what that bonus does for the banker, ask what that banker’s bonus can do for our country.