My journey of self-discovery: temporarily derailed by procrastination

When it took me nearly two months to complete his assignments, my life coach knew I had a problem with time management. For those of you who didn’t read the first installment, I gained a life coach shortly after I lost my job, thanks to the generosity of my big brother. And given the spiraling existential crisis my unemployment threw me into, I accepted TJ (my life coach) with open arms and only a small dose of skepticism. Now I don’t know how I ever lived without him.

My first assignment involved defining myself. The second was to list my priorities. Now I’m tasked with creating a schedule, week-by-week, that somehow helps me tackle those priorities – the higher the priority, the more prominent it should appear in my schedule. Given that improving my organizational skills was pretty high up on my list, just creating a schedule at all would be a step in the right direction. My ever flexible, mental to-do list clearly isn’t working for me. It’s time to start writing things down. And actually crossing them off.

This exercise is crucial, as I attempt to pull myself out of my unemploymentality and into some type of self-employmentality. For the first time in my life, I know what I want to do, and I have the drive (and the time) to pursue it. One unexpected side effect of unemployment has been a new found sense of self. No longer able to define myself through my job, I have had to re-evaluate my priorities, interests and strengths. I, personally, have rediscovered writing. As a child, I wrote the first pages to many Roald Dahl inspired novels (all left unfinished, of course). When I was in high school, I was the Lifestyle Editor of my student newspaper. I even have a Masters in Journalism. But somehow along the way, as my academic career came to a close and the reality of the world came crashing down on me, I abandoned my passion in pursuit of a more instantly fruitful, less risky career path. Plagued by horror stories of starving artists, a lack of follow through and a natural cynicism, writing for a living seemed like an unrealizable pipe dream.

Since becoming unemployed, I’ve had to re-think my life course. And I guess I’m grateful for it (although, ask me again when the unemployment checks stop coming). Once the paralyzing identity crisis subsided, I became more motivated than ever to try something that would have seemed too risky before. And let’s face it, these days, corporate slavery is far from secure. Just yesterday, 55,000 Americans lost their jobs. All before 9am.

Sometimes it takes being blindsided by unemployment to push you in the right direction. This blog, for example, would have never materialized had John and I still been working 9-to-9. Okay, partly because an unemployment blog would make very little sense coming from two people with jobs. But the point is, I had toyed with the idea of doing something creative for some time. It was only after being forced into a corner that I felt the drive, and had enough pent up angst, to actually make it happen. Well that, and John’s gentle encouragement (which, by the way,  has since turned into brutal, iron fist rule).

Last week, TJ and I talked about how this recession is having a similar impact on a lot of people. That a lot of Americans, having their livelihood pulled out from under them, are following creative or entrepreneurial pursuits they would have otherwise kept locked away in their “maybe some day” box. We’ve talked before on this blog about how one of the most creative times in American history was the Great Depression.

So maybe this layoff was the best thing that ever happened to me. Don’t get me wrong – I enjoyed my last job.  I was finally doing something I liked.  But unfortunately, it didn’t work out. And the thought of taking any old job now, just to get back in the game, is too depressing. For someone like me, there’s something truly soul-crushing about staring at an excel spreadsheet. I’d like to think better things await me. I’d like to, and for my own sanity (and that of my loved ones), I have to.

Figuring out what you want to do in life is the first step to getting there. The next step – and the harder one for someone who has difficulty with follow through – is the detailed, calculated process to achieving it. This is what I’m working on now, and I’m lucky to have a bit of help in this capacity. TJ and I both know that my next assignment will be an important, albeit challenging one for me. But if I am to really attempt a successful stab at self-employment, I will have to learn to prioritize my tasks and then accomplish them in a timely manner.

When procrastination is your addiction, unemployment is one nasty enabler. Whereas you used to squeeze countless tasks into your day as a working bee, you might now find that the simplest chores stretch out to fill hours or even days. A visit to the post office – which used to fit into your lunch hour – might become a week-long endeavor. For me, overcoming this tendency is a daily struggle. There is really no need to check my email several times an hour or take regular breaks from work to watch clips from American Dad.

Part of my next assignment will be reflecting on my success (or lack thereof) in trying to plan out my week. If I find that I am unable to stick to my schedule, we’ll look at the reasons why. The interesting part of this journey is recognizing weaknesses, and trying to understand why they exist. TJ says that sometimes, those reasons will be valid. Other times, they won’t. Laziness, for example, is not an acceptable excuse for failure. Recognizing you don’t love something enough to put that much energy into it, on the other hand, might be.

Which reminds me, I need to get going. I have to plan out my week. Right after I watch The Colbert Report. And quickly make a sandwich.