Unemployment Nights: Just because you’re broke doesn’t mean you don’t party
The first thing most people do when they get laid off is go out and drink way too much. I know I sure did. And just because you’re broke, doesn’t mean you cut out all of the appropriate luxuries – like porn and booze. So in this, the first edition of our weekend feature, ‘Unemployment Nights,’ we’ll be showing those of the downtrodden persuasion how to party without dipping into the child support. This weekend, we’re talking wine. Oh, but not just any wine, we’re talking Two Buck Chuck!
The Holy Grail of Cheap Wines
For those of our readers in the U.S. and near aTrader Joe’s location, you’re already a believer in the healing powers of theCharles Shaw line of wines. And for those of you in other countries, you’re going to think we’re flat-out crazy for suggesting that you can get a decent bottle of wine for $1.99. But I stand by this advice. It’s not the greatest, but it’s very drinkable and it comes in a bottle – so you don’t have to humiliate yourself by showing up at a house party with a box of pimp juice under your arm.
And if you’re not a sit-at-home-and-drink-cheap-wine-by-yourself while watching reruns of the Fresh Prince of Bell Air kinda guy like me, and you’re more of a dinner party animal, you can try this trick: Use a kettle to steam the label off a bottle of Two Buck Chuck and replace it with a better brand. That way you can hold your head high as you hand off a cheap bottle of wine to your host and have a good laugh afterwards about all the compliments you got for bringing such a tasty bottle of Caymus to the party.
I know what you’re thinking, Europe. You’re still not buying it, and I’m not surprised. Just last week, NPR’s own Terry Gross had some wine experts on her show talking about affordable and tasty wines. My girlfriend and I were shocked to hear Terry say that she didn’t think you could get a good bottle of wine for under $10! Are you kidding me, Terry? Let me get this straight – you work for a non-profit organization that relies on pledge drives for your cash and you’re not familiar with the menagerie of cheap wines available at Trader Joe’s for under $10??? I mean, all the non-profit employees I know wear sweater vests from JC Penney’s, sensible shoes, and know how to eat really well for next to nothing. Alright, that’s it! No more donations to NPR until you all learn to appreciate how to live on the cheap. Just kidding, NPR. You know I love you.
For the rest of the broke and downtrodden out there, here’s my top three good and affordable wines for the recession:
- Charles Shaw (California). I think most people like the Cabernet the best, but they also offer Sauvignon Blanc, Chardonnay, Merlot and Valdiguie that are all palatable. Charles Shaw’s recession proof price of $1.99 could keep you blacked out until this economy rights itself.
- Amaicha (Argentina). A great white wine for dinner parties for just $3.99
- Castle Rock (California). This one is for all our Cali peeps. Outside of California, you’re paying over $10 for this very drinkable Pinot, but in California, it’s only about $8. Sorry Detroit, stick to 40’s.
All of these wines can be found at Trader Joe’s in the U.S. Sorry to not have much of a suggestion for those readers in other countries, but that’s your job. Hit us up in the comment section and let us know how you get by on the weekends without blowing your unemployment check at the bar.
Porn and Booze? That’s what you’re into? No wonder you’re unemployed!
I actually have the recipe to the Shaw. I mean why buy it when you can just make it? You ready? Ok, here goes:
Step #1: Make a strong bag by double or triple-bagging plastic trash bags.
Step #2: Pour warm water, your choice of fruit or fruit juice, raisins, tomatoes, moldy bread (yeast works, too), and as much sugar as you can get. Kool-Aid works, too.
Side note: you have to put the moldy bread in a sock – the sock works as a “strainer” of sorts.
Step #3: Tie off the bag with a knot. Penetrate the bag with a straw, or some other type of tube to allow carbon dioxide to release. After about one month, you got yourself some Chuck.
There you have it. Just like my mom used to make!
(BTW, not hatin’. Lots of “memories,” thanks to Shaw. Hazy memories anyway.)
Haha! Thanks for revealing the recipe. I thought I sensed some gym sock fragrances in there.
RM – Yes, I am into porn and booze. But I was laid off by a pornographic beer company. So I don’t think that’s why i lost my job.
I LOOVEE Castle Rock! It’s not that cheap either!
The best wines under $10 are all from Latin America, mostly Argentina, which is going through her own financial difficulties right now. I really like the Pascual Toso Malbec, which is $9 at Costco. There are a bunch of pretty decent Malbecs for under $10/bottle at Bevmo, too: I have had the Monte, the Terazas and the Alamos. You will never go wrong with a bottle of Concho y Toro either, the Carmenere Casillero del Diablo is a great deal at $8.
If you can get over your distaste of box wine, there are actually some drinkable wines in a box. You have to be careful though, most of it is still rotgut. I liked the Fish Eye Shiraz and the Banrock Station. Each of these was about $20 for a 3L box, or the equivalent of $5/bottle.
John,
There are certainly a myriad of factors contributing to the current state of the US economy, ergo jobs and joblessness. Chiefly however, myself included, I blame us, We The People.
You, me, and everyone who is, or will be, unemployed failed to govern ourselves. We miserably failed to hold short the leash on those in government who fancy themselves our masters when our Founders clearly intended them to serve.
From their vaunted perch politicians, the lackeys of lobbying corporations, pilfered the people while the people gorged on the “appropriate luxuries” they so “deserved”.
While I understand full well that you are making light of your current circumstance I submit that you reveal truly the mental apathy and moral flabbiness of all Americans with your first paragraph.
I love a good beer or glass of wine as much as the next person. Football games with the guys, riding motorcycles, or just spending time with my family. But have you ever thought of the etymology of the word “amuse”.
Americans are enamored with amusing themselves. a-muse. Without- thought. Reality television, tabloid journalism/papers, movies, video games ad infinitum, ad nauseum. Not one of these things is inherently evil but a consistent diet, or in Americans’ case over indulgence, of these thought lacking activities produces a morbidly obese mind to match their bodies.
Soon enough, from top to bottom, Americans will beg mother government to wipe their rears, rank and file behind the current onslaught of corporate beggars assaulting capitol hill.
I suggest taking an interest in what it means to love freedom of which the price is eternal vigilance. Spend some of that ample time surfing the net through any number of excellent sites espousing self governance, self reliance, and the rewards of adherence to constitutional government which protects the rights of the individual above all.
Here is a great place to start.
http://www.jonathangullible.com/mmedia/PhilosophyOfLiberty-english_music.swf
I hope you find it educational and I hope you find the job you want.
Sincerely,
Mark
Sea Ridge is available at Safeway. Made by the same folks that make 2 buck chuck, I think it is better. It’s about $5 in the south bay and they have a good pinot, zinfandel and sauvignon blanc at that price. They also have cabernet and chardonnay although I haven’t tried them.
Plus I love calling it “Searidge”.
Thanks for all the suggestions guys – NoeValleyJim/Sam Ho – your suggestions maybe the cornerstone to my next wine post. Don’t worry i’ll remember where I heard it!
Mark, thank you for your thoughtful response. Don’t know if its apathy as much as it is fatigue. Perhaps i’ll figure that out along the way. But fatigue does not mean I do not have faith in our country, people and their intelligence…something that it sounds like you have lost. It is there, you just have to look for it and keep an open mind.
all the best,
John
John
Please do not misconstrue my view of the situation, and the pointing out thereof, as losing faith in our country. Quite the contrary, the country operates satisfactorily when free markets are truly free, self governing individuals actually participate in governing–other than dutifully voting once every four years (big whoop-that would be equivalent to changing the oil in your car once every four years)–and constitutional principles are adhered to.
I have lost faith in people who blame surrounding circumstances and use their full length mirrors only for the purpose of checking their club clothes rather than seeing the culprit dully staring back at them.
My words were meant to be a trumpet call, an admonition and not a cynics rant. Luxuries and wealth are not goals nor are Americans entitled these things, no matter what the advertisers say, but rather are byproducts of a life well lived.
This seems to be lost on gen x and y (fyi I was born in ’69) as evidenced by the gobs of vacuous pursuits and the priority that these pursuits are given in their lives.
Again, my regards and my best to your pursuits. May they be profitable, and more notably, virtuous.
Mark