Surviving your first week: tips for the recently sacked
Things to do after getting laid off
You come in one morning with a Bailout-sized to do list. You make your coffee like any other day, say hello to friends and get to work. But what’s this? An unexpected tap on the shoulder. Where’s your boss taking you? And why is the HR lady here? Minutes later, you’re told your skills are “no longer needed”. There’s talk of “restructuring”, “a new direction for the company”. Or something like that. You’ve already tuned out.
When you walk back to your computer, you find you have been frozen out of the network. Your to-do list is still sitting on your desk, mocking you. Not to worry. You don’t need it anymore. You have a new one. And it’s much shorter.
1) File for unemployment benefits. Do this before you hit the bottle (I, unfortunately, did this the wrong way around). The earlier you file, the more money you will collect. I had expected a minefield of bureaucracy, but filing online is surprisingly fast and simple. You have been paying into it for years, so why let even a penny of it go to waste?
2) Go easy on yourself. Being laid off is like a carte blanche for at least one week of unacceptable behavior. Give yourself permission to drink first thing in the morning. You don’t have to shower, get dressed or leave the couch. Watch The Price Is Right. Eat ice cream by the gallon. Hate your friends who are successful. Your only friends this week are other people who are out of work, and the seven deadly sins. Except maybe lust – after all, you are fat, broke and lying in your own filth!
3) Tie up loose ends. I don’t mean unfinished work – that isn’t your problem anymore. I mean things like expense reports and severance contracts. The sooner you get these done, the sooner you can move on. And the less likely you’ll have to return to the office to do the walk of shame past your politely sympathetic ex co-workers.
4) Keep bridges in tact. Of course you are bitter. They let you go! They have no mercy, no vision, no appreciation for good talent. But don’t let your feelings of betrayal get in the way of future success. Within the first week, it might be smart to send your old boss a thank you email. Even if you despise them. Grin and bear it. Once your rage has subsided and you’re ready to begin tapping into your network, you will be glad you did. What not to do? Badmouth your former employer on Facebook, Myspace or Twitter. Save your smear campaign for close friends and family, and other disgruntled layoffees. Especially them.
5) Trim the fat. Now is a good time to weasel your way out of any romantic relationship you have been on the fence about. You’ve got a lot on your mind. You’re in shock! You’re confused. Depressed. People will be feeling sorry for you. Use that sympathy to your advantage. “I need some space” has never been a more believable break-up excuse than right now. But don’t do anything hasty. If your significant other is wealthy (and generous), you may want to hold onto them while you ride out the recession.
look @ this link: http://gawker.com/tag/layoffs/
Hilarious (and clever) list!! I think you should start a “dear abbey” column as well.
I read about your blog in the Boston Globe, and I decided to check it out and read a few of your posts. I have to say, what are you two doing standing outside with signs, and blogging about unemployment, when you should be out looking for a job?
I mean you don’t even make any mention of going out looking for jobs in this post, which is what I would be doing the very next day. I have two jobs, one of which was acquired during this so-called economic disaster. Maybe you guys should just work harder instead of sitting on your ass blogging.
What made you think blogging for a living was going to last in the first place? Here’s a hint: you need to actually contribute to society to be paid for it.
Here’s what you have to add under “Resources for the Screwed”: CLASSIFIEDS!
Oh yeah, and another thing. It’s pretty obvious why you were fired as online journalists. You only have 7 posts in 7 days! What in the world do you do with the rest of your day.
Try working an 8, 10, or 12 hour day like the rest of us. At least put some ads on your site so you can make a dime or two.
I’m sure they are looking for jobs, that’s why they aren’t writing many posts. They’re doing something creative with their situation (even if it a bit whiny), so why are you worried? I came to this blog after I saw their picture on reuters and I am glad I came because, working for Wachovia, I am probably next on the chopping block.
We weren’t online journalist. I don’t know where they got that. We were in television and new media. We look for work every friggin’ day. But guess what? There aren’t any jobs. Most places that are looking for my particular skill set are in a hiring freeze until at least the new years. Gotta do something to keep busy…
What do we do with the rest of our time? Apply for jobs. Duh!
We will probably be chronicling some of our job hunt and very soon have contributions from others who are out of work but honestly, we thought we would focus on something a little more interesting than “today I submitted my resume to a job ad on Craigslist”.
The point of this blog is to bring together a community of people who are going through what we are going through – which is why we are opening it up to everyone to contribute.
Everyone who has been in our situation knows that it is impossible to spend the ENTIRE waking day looking for a job, without going completely insane. Why not do something productive with the time left over?
I would suggest adding http://www.cranies.com to your tool box for inspiring income. Advertisement revenue sharing in the blogosphere is a modest charity for most. Consequently, a platform was developed for open market information exchange, where authors have the ability to disclose private information for a self-determined price. Anonymous identities included…
Take it from a guy who left his job on April Fools Day 2005 and didn’t find a good replacement job until May 31, 2006. Stay busy on the job search, and don’t necessarily limit yourselves to your preferred skill sets. I carried hod, stocked shelves and answered phones in call centers (falling back on past iterations of my skill sets) to keep the money coming in while I searched for a job in my skill set. And now that I’m back in a job in which I’m using the skills I enjoy the most, I’m working on other skills — earning a masters degree (which I’m paying for myself) and swimming through an online business as well.
Looking forward to hearing about your job searches. But brace yourselves — it took me a year to get a good job, and that was when the economy was good. Hang in there.
Have you guys ever tried temp agencies? They might not be exactly what you are looking for but if you really want a job they can usually get you one. Officeteam and Robert Half are pretty good. Some hate them but it is the easiest and fastest way to get a job I garauntee. Interview with as many agencies as possible to broaden your search. Those people work for you and even though it might not be in your field at least you will have steady income that doesn’t include unemployment checks.
I’m from England, and worked with long-term unemployed in the 1980′s. Ok, I have a job now, but although this blog1 is very funny, I thought I might add a few tips that I learnt on the way whilst working with people, some of whom hadn’t ever worked.
1 Looking for a job is a full-time job. Dont think you can fit it in around a day-time social life.
2 Timetable, timetable, timetable… it’s very easy to fall into ‘I’ll do it tomorrow’.
3 Get up each morning as if you were going to work. Again, easy to become nocturnal, those late-night online games are addictive, and what have you got to get up for?
4 Network. You must have got some friends. They have friends. Who know people. Who may know of jobs.
5 Stay positive. Easy for me to say… but feeling sorry for yourself doesnt help.
6 Apply for at least 10 jobs a day – sounds impossible? I promise you it isnt.
7 Don’t be so selective. If you were a senior manager before, dont expect to only look for senior jobs. As a junior manager you’re much more attractive to a company if you have skills beyond the job.
8 Don’t look for your last job… it’s gone. The job that is convenient for home/gym/boyfriend’s house isnt there. Widen your horizons.
Sorry to go on… there are a lot more, let me know if you want any!
Caroline – thank you so much for the tips. I’m sure everyone out there appreciates some advice from someone in the know. Please feel free to share more. Perhaps you’d like to write an article for us? If so get in touch! In the meantime, keep the comments coming.
Hey Tania, I was so touched by this blog that I decided to go for voluntary redundancy. The riots are already breaking out in Greece and being unemployed makes it much easier to get well stocked up ahead of time on suitable aerodynamic projectiles to hurl at agents of the state.
Perhaps you can go that one step further and provide a link to a suitable site for the revolting underclass of dispossessed to get advanced tips on fashioning projectiles that explode on impact (noting of course that these should only be used for illumination for nocturnal rioting purposes)?
I like your unemploymentality site. It has some humour and reminds us
that we are all in this together.
I hope you will take this subject to a deeper level and consider “why”
this happened to us.
I hope when your freinds show up at your door cause they dont have a
place to stay or food to eat, that you will do what you can to help.
I hope that when we realise we have all been duped by our own government, some of that humour will turn into conscious and
proactive rage!
This was a great. I was laid-off in October for the second time this year. The good thing is that I am pursuing a master’s in Public Administration and will probably be there until 2010. I am grateful for what I have even thought I don’t really have a job right now, but hopefully I will get one soon
For some reason the post above annoyed me for its blandness. I hope that one day I too can be thankful that someone removed it.
I got that same release action plan from my employer on New Year’s eve…sit down with grizzled old boss and HR lady, yada, yada, completely dazed and confused, really wanting to deck him but really desiring a joint, screw, and brew instead. The HR lady asked me if my boss needed some “well thought out, luxury” papers on my desk, and I just shrugged my shoulders, not needing to say what I could have said. A quick walk to the parking garage, and whoosh, I drove home numbly to my house and broke the news to my wife.
More seriously, you all really need to check out Pabst Blue Ribbon beer… it is cheap, good, and union-made?!?! Not really living unpasteurized beer, but hey, I can drink the better stuff later. Task #1: Filing Unemployment…here I come!
The only advice I would give to those recently laid off is to ratchet down your spending, focus in on your needs not wants, don’t allow yourself to get down about your situation, and be proactive in your job search. Many people rest on the knowledge that they have a severance package to live off for a short period of time. But, again be proactive in your employment search. And for those who would like government employment, try http://www.freegovtjobs.com.
Very few if any have a severance package that is a thing of the past, UI is the saving grace or disgrace depending on how your dealings with the inept EDD is.